The action started in the locker with lots of sweating, cursing and wriggling into the POUNDS of gear that you have to wear. Never again will I complain that my daughter takes too long to dress or undress. Just trying to find the right size shin guards for my muppet sized legs was a challenge enough. Then throw on some hockey socks (which remind me of thigh highs but a lot rougher and way less sexy)
By the time I had wiggled into those breezers I had to call in reinforcements. One of the hockey dads tied my skates, one of the other moms helped me adjust the chest protector (otherwise known as the “uniboob” creator) and yet another mom helped me snap on the iron-maiden-helmet-of-doom. Don’t judge me, I don’t have to dress a player..I have to dress a goalie! Her helmet is far easier, no snaps!
So after 45 minutes of “dressing” and mashing my big ass hair into a helmet it was time to hit the ice. Incidentally after some trial and error with sticks, it was determined that I am a left hand shot.
Your starting (and finishing lineup) for the Menopausal Mustangs is:
#99 “D” Medical professional, wine lover and Bambi on ice (you know, the part where his legs are all splayed out on the pond?)
#66 “L” Nickname “Whiff” competition mountain biker, runner, skier easily the most athletic of us all and to her credit she got so close to a goal.
#10 “E” Our fashionista hockey mom who now has a goal to add to her credentials and looked fabulous doing it!
#13 “J” Older sister of our captain whose fear of being knocked down kept her somewhat immobile at the center blue line. But our coach’s son digs her.
#83 “S” Nickname “Toe Pick” for her refusal to wear hockey skates. This former figure skater couldn’t see skating with anything else.
#17 “L” Nickname “The Professional” the only one of us who ACTUALLY plays this game!
and finishing out a little group is me..
#1 “S” Nickname “MomForcer” given to me for taking out one our defenseman (son of “Toe Pick”) for slashing and for a mid ice collision. Apparently if I was on the Phoenix Coyotes I would be Paul Bissonnette.
To my credit though I did win a faceoff and executed a couple of passes. But most of my time was spent chasing the puck, tapping sticks with #99’s kid and socializing with our captain’s big sister. Not a good idea when you have a bunch of 9 year olds racing around you and you are expected to catch a pass..but hey this is for fun right?
Summary? Lots of laughs, sore muscles and sweating but no broken bones. And more importantly, a deeper appreciation and respect for anyone who has the guts to get out there!!